This morning for the 1st time in about 6 weeks I managed to finally wear my shoes. In the past 6 weeks I have been forced to wear only open shoes due to what started as a simple bite then onto a fungal infection, which was a gross misdiagnosis and finally a bacterial infection which has now been treated on my toes.
Many a time I would see someone wearing a pair of shoes and would get jealous. You never know the feeling of missing the simpler things in life till you cant have them.
I have reflected a lot these past few weeks and I had lots of time to do so. Some people honestly are just cruel and heartless and would use my unfortunate circumstances to settle some scores that I have no idea how they even exist. I have really bottled up a lot these past few months and writing is always an avenue for me to exhale so in the spirit of exhaling I will try and do a blog post daily here. Whether it be about social media, IT, Politics or just issues I come across in my life I shall be very candid and open. Its been a while but let me start writing again.
Lastly the simplest things in life seem to give me the most satisfaction.
Lets catch up tomorrow then in shaa Allah
My struggle with ADHD
I can remember since my primary school days that I was always somewhat different from other people and this feeling has persisted right into my adulthood. For starters the littlest things always seemed to bother me and I would react very badly and sadly woe unto you if you were the target of my reaction. Sadly the people closest to me paid the heaviest price.
I also realized that it was very hard for me to sit down and stay still. I would always find an excuse to stand up in class, college etc. I also used to get very easily distracted e.g if I was seated next to a window in class and someone walked by my whole focus would be on them and I would not even hear what the teacher or lecturer was saying.
I also realised that I was always very impulsive and would take rash decisions without thinking things through and would later regret. The sad part is that a lot of times I knew doing a certain thing is wrong but somewhow I would find myself doing it. People always misunderstood me and I don’t blame them and at times I would be told, why are you so different from everyone else can’t you just grab a hold of yourself. Honestly I tried and tried but the blunders, misdeeds and regret continued in a very vicious cycle.
In the process I lost a lot and I mean a lot and no need to go into details. At times I would say to myself, such is life everyone struggles but deep in my heart of hearts I knew there was something wrong with me but somehow I just couldn’t put a finger to it and sadly nobody else could. So I got stuck in what I would call a vicious cycle of failure, self blame and pain. Fortunately I was blessed with many talents so after every “crash” I somehow managed to pick up the pieces and keep going. I am a very strong willed person. Sadly the cycle would always continue with no end in sight. Someone even told me that it seems I have a dark cloud over my head as things just never work out fortunately I didn’t believe him as I know that if you believe you ar doomed then surely you will end up doomed.
I don’t blame anyone as I know I wronged a lot of people throughout the course of my life. From family relations, friendships, relationships, marriages, jobs etc things always never worked out. I also used to take decisions without even bothering to ascertain all the facts about an issue and we all know that, when you do that you really piss people off especially in close personal relationships.
Fortunately I am a very fast learner and when I put my mind to it, I excel at whatever I chose to do especially if I am very interested in it or like it. Howver my abilities which I was blessed did not manage to overcome my issues as I would call them back then. So generally life has been very up and down for me with stints of success almost always followed by stints of feeling useless and a failure however fortunately I always kept going or would have given up on life trust me. There is no feeling worse than knowing that even if I work hard and things asre going well at the end of the day it will fail. Be it in my career or relationships but I kept going thankfully.
I hope you now get the picture that I was stuck in a vicious cycle and sadly at times I even suspcted that I was cursed or something though I never belived it and many people even told me that I am cursed. So this now brings me to the issue of why I am writing this so lets move on.
I always felt I needed help but used to wonder, help from where?
Many a time during heated arguments with those closest to me or well meaning friends I always used to be told, you need help, you need help, you have an issue. I tried all I could to figure out what the issue was and to overcome it but year after year the same thing or things kept happening. The cycle of success to failure in all aspects of my life and I have really undergone a lot of pain and suffering to such and extent that I don’t even want to remind myself how much pain I have been through. All the while I really did try my best and put in my best effort in work and relationships but to no avail. Sadly I was also very paranoid and always used to feel that everyone just has it in for me, be it in my professional life and my personal life so the pain continued and continued. I must be very tough and have strong will as I know that many people would have crumbled and withered had they undergone all that I have passed through.
For the past few months things were very hard for me and I almost reached a breaking point but I hung in there as best as I could. However things really hit rock bottom and the calls for you need help kept on being made by those around me and I myself wondered where this help would be available. In most african socities of which kenya still is one no matter how much we think we have become westernized we still are an african society and in our society we have a taboo about certain issues and I feel this complicated matters for me as I sought to get help for my problem. Yes I have lived in the western world but at my core I am still an african. At times I feel that while I was in the west, had I sought the help I needed then maybe I would have avoided a lot of the pain and suffering that I have been through. Anyway it did not happen and no need to dwell on it so let me continue with the story.
Someone very close to me finally manged to convince me to go see a doctor i.e a psychiatrist which is a taboo issue here and a lot of stigma is attached to those who go and se them and honestly I personally used to have a very low opinion of psychiatrists and psychologists. So I said what could the person harm me with and what is the worst he could do to me? let me just go and see him and get it over and done with then this person close to me who is pushing me to go see him will give me some peace. That is all I was going to do there when I went to see the doctor now let us move on to what happened next.
I was taken to Dr Frank Njenga who is probably the best pychiatrist in kenya and is well respcted internationally as well. I went and saw him and he really asked me a lot of questions, I really mean a lot of questions and I was even admitted in hospital for over a week. He has a team of psychologists who work with him and I did a lot of tests and all my past history from my earliest memory was examined an analysed. What bothered me was that for almost six days I was admitted but was not given any medicine. Later they told me that they do not give any medicine until they are 100% sure of the diagnosis.
In short after all these tests and interviews I was told that I have ADHD and at very high levels so I was put on medication and discharged. To be honest I have never been this calm, focussed and relieved maybe since my early childhood even. What is ADHD?
Adult attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (also referred to as Adult ADHD, Adult ADD or simply ADHD in adults) is the neurobiological condition of attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) in adults. About one-thirdto two-thirdsof children with symptoms from early childhood continue to demonstrate notable ADHD symptoms throughout life.
Three subtypes of ADHD are identified in the DSM-IV (inattentive, hyperactive/impulsive, and combined). In later life, the hyperactive/impulsive subtype manifests more frequently. Adults with ADHD typically have difficulty following directions, remembering information, concentrating, organizing tasks, or completing work within time limits or meeting appointments. Low self-esteem is common. These difficulties cause life problems within several different arenas, such as emotional, social, vocational, marital, legal,or academic areas
In short someone had finally put a finger and made a corrcet diagnosis of what has been ailing me for very long and I was like what a relief, now I know why I always felt different from everyone else. Sadly I have suffered as a result of it, I have wronged many people as a result of it too. I hope everyone whom I wronged forgives me and more importantly I need to forgive myself for what I did and move on with my life as best I can. I am very happy and relieved that I found out and I am now making ammends. To all those who I wronged I am sorry, I did it but it was partly out of my control due to this condition though am not making an excuse as yes and those bad things and hateful/hurtful words yes I did do them or say them.
I am now busy working to better myself and learning to live a new lifestlye. A lot of friendships will sadly have to end and some have already ended. I will not be able to do some things I used to love to do or go to places I loved to go to but all in all I think its for the better. Many habits have changed and more will too as I adopt a new lifestlye that takes into account my condition. It’s the best and right thing for me to do.
Lastly if you feel you might be in the same predicament or maybe you have a feeling that someone you know may be going through the same issue kindly get or get them some professional help. I myself know a few friends of mine who might need it but the main issue is how to approach them and tell them in a good way or else you will just get dismissed and you end up offending them. So am working on how to approach them.
As for me, personally I feel no shame going public about this and its my prayer that those who need help get it before undergoing a lot of pain and suffering in life and hurting/harming others too.
Thanks for taking your time to read this I know its long but I wanted to capture the whole scenario so that you may understand. Also just writing this has been very relieving for me and its helped me put many things I needed put behind me, way behind me.
Following the State Opening of the joint sitting of the Senate and National Assembly, I encourage our legislators across the political divide to settle down to their duties as soon as possible and selflessly serve the Kenyan people. I look forward to a vibrant Legislature keen on supporting the good in the Executive while keeping in check the excesses.
At this time, I would like to empathize with the over 200 families displaced as a result of floods in Garsen and Magarini. I urge both the Central Government and the concerned County Governors to take appropriate action to alleviate the suffering of these Kenyans.
CONDOLENCES ON DEATH OF MRS MARGARET THATCHER:
It is with great sadness that I have learnt of the death of Margaret Thatcher, the former Prime Minister of Britain.
I take this opportunity to wish well her family, the Conservative Party and the people of Britain.
Mrs Thatcher will go down in history not only as Britain’s first female prime minister, but as a pioneer of many important ideas that transformed not only her country but many nations across the globe, including Kenya.
She pioneered a closer scrutiny of what the role of the state should be in the lives of citizens, a debate that rages to date, and which led to improved conditions for many people in many nations.
Many features of the modern economic governance like privatisation, deregulation, size of government, free trade, among others, owe their rise and popularity to her tenure when she tried to stem economic decline in her country.
She popularized the idea that a functioning economy is at the centre of freedom with sayings l like “there is no liberty unless there is economic liberty.”
Margaret Thatcher fired up women’s involvement in politics and public life with famous remarks like; “if you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman.”
She may be gone, but the ideals she bequeathed the world will inspire generations to come.
May she rest in eternal peace.
Rt. Hon. Raila A. Odinga, EGH,
PRIME MINISTER; Monday, April 8, 2013.
STATEMENT OF THE RT. HON RAILA A. ODINGA ON THE JUDGEMENT OF THE SUPREME COURT
Members of the media,
Ladies and gentlemen,
You will recall that on 9th March 2013, I issued a statement on the conduct of the elections which had just been concluded.
I expressed my deep gratitude to all Kenyans who had turned out massively to exercise their democratic rights to vote and elect their leaders.
I however expressed my dismay that contrary to the expectations of Kenyans, we witnessed the failure of virtually every instrument the IEBC had deployed to ensure free, fair and transparent elections.
I outlined such failures, with concrete examples of the anomalies that all of us witnessed. It was clear that the constitutionally sanctioned process of electing new leaders had been thwarted again by another tainted election. Democracy was on trial in Kenya.
But that has not dented my commitment to constitutionalism and the rule of law.
Enforcing the spirit and letter of the constitution remains the only sure way to peace and prosperity for our young democracy.
My decision to file a petition in the Supreme Court to challenge the validity of the election was a testament of my faith in the independence of our judiciary.
We did so for the sake of our democracy and for the sake of all Kenyans who wanted to exercise their constitutional right to elect their leaders through free and fair election.
We were joined in this endeavour by Africog, which separately filed a petition seeking to nullify the fourth of March Presidential election.
This proves that my petition had nothing to do with personal grudge as contended by the IEBC, Hon Uhuru Kenyatta and Hon William Ruto.
In the petition, I expressed our belief that the court would uphold the letter and spirit of our constitution. I pledged to abide by the court decision.
We prosecuted the case to the best of our ability.
Our legal team, led by Senior Counsel George Oraro compiled formidable and logical evidence showing that massive malpractices occurred during the elections.
We unearthed evidence of technology failure that required a full audit, inappropriate conduct on the part of IEBC staff, irregular and unethical arrangements such as the sharing of servers by IEBC with a competitor and unmarked registers.
We regret that the court disallowed evidence on the grounds that it was either filed late or the court did not have time to inquire into these discrepancies. In the end, Kenyans lost their right to know what indeed happened.
Ladies and gentlemen,
The court has now spoken. Article 140 of our constitution states that “the Supreme Court shall hear and determine the petition and its decision is final.”
Although we may not agree with some of its findings, and despite all the anomalies we have pointed out, our belief in constitutionalism remains supreme.
Casting doubt on the judgment of the court could lead to higher political and economic uncertainty, and make it more difficult for our country to move forward.
We must soldier on in our resolve to reform our politics and institutions. Respect for the supremacy of the constitution in resolving disputes between fellow citizens is the surest foundation of our democratic society.
And the courts should always act within the evolving constitutional culture.
I and my brother and running mate Hon Kalonzo have no regrets for taking our case to court.
Indeed, it is our view that this court process is yet another milestone in our long road towards democracy for which we have fought so long.
Truth, justice and the faithful implementation of the constitution is our best guarantee to peace and security.
Ladies and gentlemen,
It is my hope that the incoming government will have fidelity to our constitution, and implement it to the letter for the betterment of our people. I wish president –elect Uhuru Kenyatta and deputy President elect William Ruto best of luck in this endeavour.
I also wish all the Senators, Members of Parliament, Women Representatives, Governors and others who were elected in the last election success in discharging the expectations of our people.
I want to thank Senior Counsel George Oraro and the members of his legal team for their hard work and devotion in the quest for justice. I would also like to pay special tribute to the Africog legal team led by Kethi Kilonzo for their immense contribution to the rule of law and democracy.
To the Kenyans who supported us and our petition, I want to assure you that I will continue to work for you and with you to build our county, Kenya, and to help you achieve your dreams.
My actions have always been guided by my desire to bring about a better life for all Kenyans, particularly those who are less privileged. The future of Kenya is bright. Let us not allow the elections to divide us. Let us re-unite as a Nation.
Finally, I call on all Kenyans– our supporters and opponents alike – to remember the sacred words of our National Anthem: Justice be our shield and defender;
Thank You and God Bless Kenya.
PM dismisses quit order on Ministers.
PMPS. 20th March 2013.
Prime Minister Raila Odinga has dismissed a directive to Ministers and Assistant Ministers who were elected on the 4th of march to resign before taking up new jobs.
In a press statement, the PM said that there were no provisions requiring Ministers to quit in the manner stated by Head of the Public Service through the government spokesman yesterday.
He stated that “the status and tenure of the President, the Prime Minister the Vice President, Cabinet Ministers and assistant ministers are governed by section 12 of the sixth schedule of the constitution and the National Reconciliation Act”.
Mr. Odinga said the Attorney General had rightly indicated earlier that the President ,the Prime Minister, the Vice President ,cabinet Minister’s remain in office until the assumption of office by the duly elected President and Cabinet Secretaries .
‘’The purported directive on this matter from the Head of the Public service has therefore no constitutional or legal foundation. It is misleading and inaccurate and should be disregarded’’, he said.
The PM pointed out that in line with the AGs interpretation, the President and Cabinet which includes the Prime Minister and the Vice President are in office as a caretaker government and are only exercising executive power during a temporary incumbency.
‘’It should be noted that the incumbent as caretaker President, amongst other things cannot nominate or appoint or dismiss Ministers and the State or public Officers’’ posed, Mr. Odinga.
He added that the statement of the Head of Public Service can only be relevant in respect of Cabinet Secretaries appointed after the general election.
Mr. Odinga pointed out the Grand Coalition government was still intact and in place led by the two principals; the President and Prime Minister.
‘’The coalition government at the level of the President, Prime Minister, Vice President and Ministers will stand dissolved when the duly elected President following the first general elections under the new constitution takes the oath of office’’,he explained.
SUMMARY OF THE CORD PETITION
What the Petitioner (Hon. RailaOdinga)is asking the court to do:
1. Set aside the results of the Presidential election as announced by IEBC on 9March 2013, and the declaration of Uhuru Kenyatta as President-elect and William Ruto as Deputy President-elect respectively, and declare asnull and void the whole electoral process leading to that declaration.
What the petition says:
· There was no free or fair presidential elections. Consequently no government could lawfully be formed by or from the purported declaration on 9th March 2013, of Uhuru Kenyatta and William Ruto as President-elect and Deputy President-elect respectively, by the IEBC and its chairman to the dishonor of the Kenyan people.
· The voter register was severally altered as to make it difficult to tell which one was used finally. For the purposes of the 4th March elections the registration of voters was carried out between 19November 2012 to 18th December, 2012, at the end of which the IEBC announced that 14,337,399 persons had registered as voters.
· In breach of the mandatory legal requirement, the IEBC has falsely, unlawfully and illegally in flagrant disregard of the law and its declaration of the result of the presidential election held on the 4th March, 2013 reflected the total number of registered voters as 14,352,533 well above the total number of registered voters as the date of closing of registration on 18th December, 2013. Indeed, during February 2013, the IEBC announced that they had discovered approximately 20,000 persons who had double registered in the December registration, and accordingly reduced the register tally to 14,267,572 voters as displayed on its website. The illegally inflated March 2013 register exceeded this corrected figure by some 85,000 voterS
· The Petitioner avers that increasing the number of registered voters was intended to permit the IEBC to manipulate the presidential election held on 4th March, 2013 and their purported results and declaration, on 9th March, 2013 was null and void. That by abandoning the process of electronic identification at the polling stations and releasing results based not on the safeguarded, agreed, determined and credible electoral process it had promised and committed to, and by which legitimate expectations accrued, but a process that failed so significantly, substantially and endemically, IEBC effectively failed to reflect the will of the Kenyan people at the election.
· Arising from the acts and omissions of the IEBC, Hon. RailaOdinga and indeed the people of Kenya, were deprived of a free and fair election devoid of manipulation, an expectation which was denied, thereby irreparably undermining the entire process and result as declared on 9th March, 2013.
· Because of the IEBC and its chairman’s acts and omissions, the electoral process and the outcome thereof is so flawed in so fundamental and grave a sense, taken together or viewed separately, that it is difficult to tell whether the results were the true, lawful and proper expression of the Kenyan people’s will.
· The EVID and BVR system and the electronic results transmission systems adopted by the First Respondent were so poorly selected, designed and implemented that they were destined to fail from inception, to the knowledge of the IEBC; the failure and collapse, on a catastrophic scale on the polling day, so fundamentally changed the system of polling and the number of votes cast, owing to inordinate and inexplicable delays at the polling stations thereby reverting Kenya to the discredited manual system, with all the attendant risks and opportunities for abuse and manipulation which in fact took place.
· The IEBC and its chairman’s purported official tally of registered voters inexplicably and mysteriously grew overnight by a large proportion on the eve of the election, notwithstanding that registration had closed some thirty days and was by law not permitted to be opened or changed.
· The results as declared and recorded by IEBC contained wide spread instances of manipulation of the returns through manipulation of Form 36 and in some instances the votes cast exceeding the numbers of registered voters, in flagrant breach of the fundamental Constitutional principles (see examples below).
· Although a common register was to be – and indeed was – compiled for all the six levels of elections in the general elections of 4th March, 2013, it turned out from the results declared by IEBC that the total number of registered voters and votes cast in respect of the presidential elections in some instances exceeded that of the registered voters and those cast for Parliamentary elections after taking due account of any spoilt or rejected or disputed votes to the detriment of RailaOdinga. The numerous instances of huge discrepancies in the total numbers of votes declared by the First and Second Respondent in the presidential election held on 4th March, 2013 is inexplicable upon any reasonable hypothesis other than the existence of actual ballot stuffing, multiple voting or gerrymandering or inflating of the numbers of votes in the tallying thereof by the IEBC or their officers or their condoning of or connivance in the same to the advantage of Uhuru and Ruto thereby rendering their alleged win invalid, illegal, null and void.
Anecdotal examples of widespread anomalies:
Glaring anomalies were observed in the process from voter registration, to transmission of results, to tallying.
(a) the result were declared on the basis of unsigned Form 36,
(b) multiplicity of Form 36, and variants of entries in some constituencies
(c) alterations on files and
(d) brazen disregard by the IEBC of the entries on the files of constituencies which were eventually reflected in the final tally of Presidential election results and which were announced without signed verification Form 34s.
Votes cast exceeded the number of registered voters, including Tiaty, Laisamis, Igembe Central, Buri, Chuka, IburiIgambaNgombe, Lari, Kapenguria, Saboti, Turbo, Marakwet West, Kajiado West, Bomet East, Mt Elgon, Langata and Aldai.
Results in Form 36 disclosed by the First Respondent were materially different from the results that were posted in the final tally of the presidential results published by the First Respondent. This included in Webuye East, Webuye West and Igembe Constituencies.
Registered voter numbers in polling stations were inflated in Form 34 contrary to what was contained in Form 36. These included Kaproi Nursery School, Metipso Primary School, Maina Primary School, asaibul Primary School, Sewerwa Nursery School, Liter Secondary School, Chesongoch Catholic Church, Mungiwa Primary School, Chawich Primary School and Lemeuywo Primary School. In most of those circumstances, more votes were cast than the total number of registered voters.
More than two Form 36 reflecting different returns. These included Kikuyu Constituency, Juja Constituency, Chuka Constituency, Thika Constituency.
Alterations in Form 36 without acknowledgment including Kiambaa and Limuru Constituencies.
More valid votes cast in some constituencies reflected in Forms 36 than in Form 34 including in Chesumei, Emngwen and Ainamoi.
Different entries in two Forms 36 submitted in respect of the same constituency for example in Mathira Constituency.
Published results materially different from the results reflected in the County tallying, for example in Nakuru, not to mention the material variation between the verbal declaration made by the various Commissioners of IEBC at the national tallying centre allegedly after verification of results and the fiinal figures which are set out by the IEBC including those of South Imenti, Igembe South, Lagdera, North Imenti, Central Imenti, Boment East and Sigor.
Highlights/Quotes from the affidavit
” I believe that First and Second Respondents in breach of the Constitution, failed to establish systems which are accurate, secure, verifiable, accountable and/or transparent and indeed declared results which in many instances had no relation to votes cast at the polling station, developed methods which were opaque and intended to manipulate the results in the course of which the Petitioners’ representatives were altogether excluded from the process.”
” In the final tally, the total number of votes cast in the Presidential Elections differed materially from those declared by the First and Second Respondents for purposes of the Gubernatorial and Parliamentary elections which took place on the same date clearly attesting to my belief that massive electoral fraud and malpractice occurred or permitted to occur by the First and Second Respondents in contravention of the requirements of the Constitution and the legislative framework in place as regards the 4th March, 2013 presidential election.”
Highlights/quotes from the petition/re electronic system:
“its failure and collapse, on a catastrophic scale on the polling day, so fundamentally changed the system of polling and the number of votes cast, owing to inordinate and inexplicable delays at the polling stations thereby reverting Kenya to the discredited manual system, with all the attendant risks and opportunities for abuse and manipulation which in fact took place; “
“Respondents in breach of the Constitution, failed to establish systems which are accurate, secure, verifiable, accountable and/or transparent and indeed declared results which in many instances had no relation to votes cast at the polling station, developed methods which were opaque and intended to manipulate the results in the course of which the Petitioners’ representatives were altogether excluded from the process.”
“the numerous instances of huge discrepancies in the total numbers of votes declared by the First and Second Respondent in the presidential election held on 4th March, 2013 is inexplicable upon any reasonable hypothesis other than the existence of actual ballot stuffing, multiple voting or gerrymandering or inflating of the numbers of votes in the tallying”
“A curious and very concerning feature of the First Respondent’s conduct was that it allowed Kencall to co-host both its server and that of the TNA, which of course may compromise the integrity of the electoral process but at very least gives the very real impression that the TNA has access to sort of information which is at the very least initially confidential to the First Respondent.”